untold stories of a writer and his muse
by Ephemeral Lunatic
Summary: A collection of fills for prompts that intrigue.
1. I

_**Prompt: **47 secs: instead, she says ''oh, you you don't remember cuz you were in shock of strangers exploding? THE MAN THAT I LOVE SAW ME GET SHOT AND HE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING JUST FINE!''  
_

* * *

He watches as she paces around the box, Bobby her prey, the whole situation not unlike how he and Beckett were just months prior, when a hungry tigress circled them from below, plotting out her next move to strike. To devour them.

Beckett was growing impatient with Robert Lopez. She was ravenous for answers.

_"'You don't remember,'_" she scoffs at the kid. "How do you not remember?"

"I was in shock," Bobby claims. "The bomb went off. Everyone was running and screaming."

"Okay, okay. So, you remember what happened after the bomb went off, but not before?"

Castle can tell by her posture sitting on the table in front of him that she doesn't buy Bobby's story. By the tone of her voice, she doesn't buy it one bit and, furthermore, his flimsy excuse is pissing her off.

The tigress that is his partner looms closer to her prey. Angry. She's ready to pounce.

"It must've been one of those traumatic amnesia things - "

"Bobby!" Beckett snaps, right in the boy's face. "Don't lie to me," she growls.

"I'm telling you it was all a big blank. It was the trauma."

"It was not the trauma," she bites back, lifting an accusatory finger at the young man seated before her. "You don't get to use that excuse."

"I swear, I don't remember!" Bobby tries again, but it's too late for him now. His predator strikes.

"The hell you don't remember!" Beckett roars, and Castle feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest as his tigress makes her kill.

"Do you want to know trauma?" Beckett asks, fury in her voice. "I was shot in the chest," she says, and Castle nods along with her words. If anyone would know traumatic amnesia, it'd be her. She's lived it. They both have.

" - and the man I love had to sit there and watch as the lights went out on my life. I bled out, my heart stopped, and I died right in front of him in that ambulance. He remembers _every _second of it. _I _remember every second of it."

Castle's blood runs cold, his eyes drifting back up to the scene unfolding before him.

"And so do you."

Beckett stalks away from Bobby, scowling, arms crossed over her chest in her frustration. The room goes silent.

"All this time..." he murmurs.

Castle sits frozen to the spot, and though she continues her line of questioning with Bobby Lopez, the rest of his partner's interrogation becomes a blur.

_The man I love._

_I remember every second of it._

* * *

Beckett exits Interrogation One after what feels like an eternity inside of it. Bobby wasn't breaking, but he would eventually. She'd figure out what his role was in the bombing soon enough, and find the key to unlocking all the answers to this tragedy.

Closing the door behind herself with a heavy sigh, she startles when a figure appears in the doorway to observation, a familiar travel cup held loosely in the hand at their side, the unmistakable scent of coffee wafting from within.

"Hey," she greets him, the smile already forming on her lips, only to find a grim expression staring back at her once she meets his gaze. It was as if all the light was gone from Castle's beautiful blue eyes.

Wait. He was watching?

_...the man I love had to sit there and watch as the lights went out on my life..._

Oh, god. Castle.

"Kate," he calls out to her. Weakly. Soberly.

Esposito comes walking through the bullpen then, heading in their direction. "Guy's still not talking?"

Beckett looks to Esposito, then back to her partner. Her mouth opens and closes, then does it again. Castle's eyes don't move off of her.

"N-not yet," she stammers finally. "I'm gonna let him sweat for a bit."

"What's our next move?" the other detective asks.

She eyes Castle carefully as she replies, "That's up to him." Then, finding her stronger voice from within, "Have unis go over his apartment. Maybe we'll get lucky and come up with something to break him."

Esposito nods, satisfied with the answer, before he continues on through the bullpen, headed for his desk.

"Castle," she starts, turning back to him, but he's shaking his head, his eyes doing a quick perusal of the bustling homicide floor.

"Not here," he says. "Not now."

Suddenly, Kate Beckett gets the overwhelming sense that, if they put this talk off any longer, it's going to destroy them. Their chances together.

"No. Right now," she says urgently, and she doesn't even think about it before reaching out to grab his hand in hers. "No more waiting, Castle. Tell me where."

He nods, and she could swear she sees a spark reignite in his eyes at the physical contact. Castle pulls her in the direction of her desk then, confusing her momentarily because didn't he just say not here?

But then he lifts her coat from her chair and sets his coffee down next to the one he'd left for her on the desk just a short time before.

A promise to return together.

"Okay. Let's go," he says, leading her to the elevator.

He helps her into her coat as the doors close on them. As they descend, she finds his fingers with her own again.

She won't let him go.

* * *

They find themselves at the Boylan Plaza memorial after walking hand-in-hand for a time, paying their respects to the dead, and making their silent promises to get the bombing victims the justice they deserve.

Unsure of how to approach him yet, but feeling a desperate need to hold on to him, to _them_, Beckett waits him out quietly. A solid presence at his side. A firm reminder that she's here, she's with him. And she's not going anywhere, not unless he wants her to.

Castle squeezes her hand as they stop at the bottom of the steps, coming to the metal gates that separate the memorial from the active crime scene.

"I really thought…" he begins softly, and she tilts her head to his voice, moves closer to catch every word, her fingers gripping his in encouragement. Whatever he has to say, she doesn't want him to be afraid to voice it. Not now.

She lied to him. For months. And he found out in one of the worst possible ways.

He deserves this opportunity to get it all out. Whatever it is he's feeling.

She owes him that.

But then Castle shakes his head, fighting with his words. Probably trying to find the right ones to say. He starts again.

"I really believe we have a future, Kate. That we could be happy together. I was willing to wait. I _am _waiting. I _will_. If that's what you want. If you feel the same way. But if you don't - "

"It is," she tells him urgently, pressing firmly into his side. "I do, Castle. I want this. Us."

"Then why did you lie?" he asks then, and he sounds like a little boy. So hurt. Betrayed. She's wounded him deeply.

"I was - "

She wants to immediately defend herself. Say _I was_ _scared_. She starts to, because she was. She still is. But it's not time for excuses here. Excuses won't fix the pain she's caused with her lies. Excuses won't fix the bond that's been broken between them because she wasn't ready, and she needed time to heal before she could even entertain the idea of being _more_.

He's watching her attentively, his eyes guarded, as if prepared for another blow, and she makes sure to maintain eye contact when finally she speaks.

"When I first met you, Rick, I was just going through the motions of every day. I was all about the work, the job." She glances briefly over at the flowers around them. The candles burning in broad daylight. The pictures of lives lost. Futures gone in a flash.

"My dreams had become nothing more than speaking for the dead. Bringing their killers to justice, and giving families closure. Something I never had. But you," she pulls his hand up to her chest, opening his palm above her heart. "You helped me learn how to live my life again. To dream for myself. For a future. You gave me a reason to smile every day. To laugh. Even on the days in my darkest of moments, you're right here. My strength. Like a shining beacon of what could be. What I can still have."

She feels his fingers tremble beneath her palm as she holds it to her chest, and she tangles her digits together with his. "What I do have."

His eyes are glistening when she meets them with her own again.

"I ran from you, Rick. I ran because I've never had this with anyone before, and I needed to heal those old wounds, and the grieve the new ones, before I could become me again. It wasn't fair of me, and I know I hurt you deeply, but I just...I needed to become more than my mother's murder, more than the scared nineteen year old girl who hides behind it whenever she comes up against something that feels too big to handle."

This time, she places her hand above his heart, feeling the pounding of it beneath her fingertips.

"I needed to be the woman who could cherish your love, be worthy of it, and who could love you openly in return with all her heart. _My _heart. And I'm almost there, Castle. I am."

She feels the tear that has slipped down her cheek only after Castle has brushed it away with a deft finger.

"You'll always be that woman, Kate. I love all of you; your faults and your imperfections. I always have. I always will."

She lunges forward then, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she murmurs into his skin, tucking in closely beneath his chin. Castle envelopes her in a tight embrace, rocking them back and forth gently in the mid-morning sunlight. The small crowd around them pays no mind, probably assuming they're here to share in their grief like many of the other visitors.

It's a long moment before either of them speaks again, Castle being the one to finally break the silence.

"I mean it, Kate. However long you need, I can wait for you to be ready. I'll be right here when you are."

When she lifts her head from his chest, it's with a smile. She bumps her nose to his, forehead coming to rest against his.

"It won't be long. I promise."

Castle returns her smile, then reaches for her hand.

"Come on," he says, trying to tug her along. "Let's get back to the precinct. We've got a suspect to go break."

"Wait," she replies, then pops up on her tip toes, covering his mouth with her own. Her kiss is brief and chaste, respectful to their surroundings, but when she drops back down to her heels, she's smiling again, tucking herself back into his side. "Okay, let's go," she says.

They'll have all the time in the world now after the case is over.


	2. II

_**Prompt:** she manages to say ''I love you'' before passing out in the freezer._

* * *

"Hey...w-we're not dead yet," Castle said, and she almost wanted to laugh at him. Just almost. The temperature was well below freezing. There was perspiration frozen to her brow. Frost accumulated on their clothes and in their hair. She couldn't feel anything anymore. Her limbs were dull, weighted down. Like the very blood flowing through her veins was slowly turning to ice, anchoring her to the floor.

"I just wish this was one of your books and you could rewrite the ending."

It was the pitiful hope of a dying woman. The _this can't be happening_ moment where the mind resorts to different scenarios. A denial of her reality.

A wish for an alternate ending in which someone checks the freezer and finds them. Anyone. She didn't really care who.

Or maybe even a dream. Yes, not a dream but a terrible nightmare. It'd be an awful story ending the tale with such a trope. Castle would never write something so amateur. Not for them.

But if it meant there was no bomb, no freezer...

Not dying in Castle's arms with so many things left unsaid.

She'd take it.

"I'm s- I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"F-for being me. Going rogue. Getting you in-into this. If we hadn't g-gone rogue…"

"Shhh, Castle," she stopped him. He sounded so guilty, so ashamed of himself and resigned to his fate. She couldn't handle it. Not his apologies, his regrets. "Castle, no. Okay? Shhh."

She wouldn't let him blame himself for this. Her death. His.

None of it was his fault.

"You were right. We found the bomb. We were just too late, okay?"

He went silent, and she hoped it was because he'd found her words reassuring. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave this world feeling as though he failed. Her, his family. Everyone. His instincts led them in the right direction. They didn't lead them into the freezer. That was the bastards shooting at them, and who have now left them trapped for dead.

No. It wasn't his fault. He was a hero in her eyes.

He always had been. If only he knew.

She shifted beneath his arm, twisting despite her awkward, frozen limbs, and somehow found the strength within to lift her arm, draw it upwards across his chest. "Castle," she murmured, and by some miracle, her fingers cooperated, allowing her to reach out and caress his chin with her fingertips. She couldn't even feel the five o'clock shadow that had surely grown in since the morning. She was too numb.

"Thank you...for being there."

She'd have seen the small lift of his lips in a smile had she the strength to keep her eyes open.

"Always."

Everything was heavy then. Her body, her eyelids. They were running out of time. Time that, up until this point, she'd taken for granted. She was going first. She knew it, could feel it in her bones, in the sluggishness of her steadily freezing body. He was still shivering. Her body had all but given up in its quest to keep warm. He would outlast her. Maybe not by much, but maybe enough to save him. She hoped he did. Make it. He deserved to live on and be happy. Grow old, see his kid graduate high school, college. She'd get married and give him grand kids. He'd love that.

Maybe he'd even find the one for himself, remarry for keeps this time.

She could have been her. That woman capturing his heart, building a future with him. A happy life together.

It was too late now. Too late to give him that life. Her heart. But maybe she could give him one small, parting gift. Something she would now be living her final moments to regret.

She couldn't leave him yet. He deserved to know how she feels. Has felt. For so long now.

It was unfair of her to wait so long, to wait until this moment. Her death. But if this was the last moment they had together in each of their lives, she couldn't leave without him knowing.

"I just want you to know how much I love you," she confessed, her voice an airy whisper of a thing.

There. Now she could go. Now she was ready.

"You...l-love me?"

Castle tilted forward, inching his face closer to hers. She blinked her eyes open briefly, the tightness of his grip on her pulling her back from the brink.

"Cas - " She was breathless.

"Hey, Kate. Stay with me."

She could feel the pressure of his cheek meeting her forehead, the weight of him pressing into her with urgency. Holding her close.

He wasn't ready to let her go.

"Kate. Stay with me," he begged.

Bleary-eyed, she watched him in his panic. His breaths became faster, adrenaline pumping, giving its final stand. She'd all but collapsed into his chest but he was holding her up now, supporting her weight. He cradled her cheek in the palm of his hand, so gently she could cry.

"Can't do it, Castle," she lamented mournfully, voice breaking on each syllable. "Can't."

"Yes, you can. You will."

"Castle, don't - "

"No, I'm not losing you. We're not dying here, do you hear me? I'm crazy about you, Kate Beckett, and we're too good for deathbed confessions, alright? So you're not going anywhere. You stay with me."

It must have taken an enormous amount of strength to accomplish the feat, but he'd managed to scoop her up with his arms, settling her down across his lap. It gave her the chance to burrow closer to his solid chest, nestling skin on skin where her cheek met his neck.

Castle pressed his lips to her temple and, maybe it was her imagination, but it felt warm again, if only slightly.

"We're gonna get out of here, Kate," he asserted, though his voice trembled. From the cold or from fear, she couldn't tell anymore. Probably both.

"We're gonna get out of here, and we're gonna find that bomb, and everything will be different. _We'll_ be different. You won't have to be alone anymore. I love you, and I'll be right here for you, whatever you need. Just don't leave me, please."

With everything she had left, Kate mustered up the last of her energy and lifted enough to press her lips into his. Everything was numb. Her lips, her skin, her muscles. She couldn't even taste him on her tongue. Her senses were failing.

"Okay, Castle," she breathed into his mouth, lingering only long enough to nudge her nose to his affectionately, to get the words out before falling back into his chest again. "Okay."

She holds out for him as long as she can, until everything at last fades to black.

* * *

After the EMT clears her with a blanket to-go, she wrapped it around her shoulders and hopped down from the ambulance. It was a miracle the boys had gotten to them in time, and really just a miracle they had found them at all. They got so lucky.

She could see Castle awake in the second ambulance now. From what she was told, they had to practically pry him away from her in order to treat them separately. Even while unconscious, he wasn't willing to let go of her. The only reason her condition hadn't progressed into fatal hypothermia was likely because of how he'd cradled her to his chest, giving her whatever warmth he had left until Ryan and Esposito found them.

Her unsung hero yet again.

She smiled the moment he zoned in on her over Ryan's shoulder, his movements clunky, slightly uncoordinated as he started for her. So exhausted from the ordeal, but alive.

They were alive.

"Saw your boy's back in town," he ventured cautiously, his shoulders hunched under his own blanket draped about his shoulders.

She hummed. "Yeah, he came back."

"So what does that mean to you?"

Looking back at the ambulance Castle had just exited, Kate caught Josh's eyes. They held a glance for only a moment before the doctor went back to chatting with the paramedic he'd assisted in treating her partner.

Turning back to Castle, she smiled, reaching her hand up to brush the pad of her thumb down across his bottom lip, his chin

"Not a damn thing."

His brow creased, nose scrunched in confusion. Apparently he needed her to spell it out for him.

"It's over, Castle," she revealed, giving him a promising look. "We're done."

When her words finally hit him, it's as if his entire being has cracked open, his guard falling down, his beaming smile ear to ear.

"C'mon." She nudged his shoulder, smiling fondly. "Fallon wants to debrief."

He trails after her, shoulder-to-shoulder, rejuvenated not quite yet in body, but in mind. Spirit.

"He's ready to believe us now?"


End file.
